Worn

There is a battle between lies and truth raging. My heart is heavy and worn. I can make light of my feelings or tell myself that my burdens are nothing compared to others'. But that surely doesn't help. My feelings are real and raw and they beg to be acknowledged.
...unworthy ...forgotten ...desperate ...numb
I know what it is like to feel lonely in a crowd. To feel so worthless and empty. I know what it is like to have a ocean of tears dammed by a fake smile. 
My feeling are not presented to be fixed nor pitied. You and I could meet over coffee or tea and weep over each others' hurts and pain...for I know you have them too.

I do not know all the answers, but I do know the place where comfort can be found. 
Why is pain so blinding and numbing? I have Scripture - hope and truth - right at my fingertips yet sometimes that is the last place I turn to look. Shamefully, I admit that at times it is easier to curl up into a ball and fall deeper into my downward spiral than it is to call out to Christ for help.
It is easier to recall all the broken dreams than it is to make a list of people and things for which I am thankful. 
It is easier to blame a missed endeavor on my lack of ability than to trust in God's timing and keep working hard.
It is easier to simply give up than to pick myself back up.
It is easier to convince myself that I am unlovely than to choose to see God's love for me that is woven throughout my life.
This I know: God does not promise easy. He promises that all things will work together for good. 
My only hope for joy is found in seeking security in Christ.  I need more of Him...  ...less of me. 
These times in my journey towards my God-sized dream seem so far from dreamy. I wonder at times what I think I'm doing on this path. 
God goes to great measures to teach and grow His children. I hate the pain. But even in the midst of this, I can say that I am thankful that I cannot make these droughts go away...for what a weak servant of His I would be otherwise. I am looking forward to meeting the person that He is shaping me into, and I trust that my journey brings Him glory.
I Peter 5:7 || I Corinthians 10:13   || Philippians 4:8 || Galatians 6:9-10 

*************************** You’re Made for a God-sized Dream by Holley Gerth has officially released, and you can grab your copy here.
You can catch up on my series here.  
I am linking up at holleygerth.com. 

{connect with Emily here}